Understand the risks.,
Ask for a conversation.,
Pick a neutral location.,
Accept their response.
Before you sit down to have a conversation with your friend about your relationship and where it’s going, understand the risks involved in asking to change your friendship into a romantic relationship. Your friend could feel the same, but they might not. You need to prepare for your friend not to feel the way you do.When assessing the risks you should also decide how you will react to your friend’s potential response. If they do not return your feelings, are you willing to stay friends? Would you rather end the friendship? Make sure you’re prepared for whatever reaction you get.;
, Once you feel fully prepared for whatever response you might get, ask your friend if you can have a serious conversation.
You can say something like “I’d really like to talk to you about something important regarding our friendship. Is there a time and a day that’s good for you?”
You can also give them a heads up on what’s coming by saying something like “I’d like to discuss my feelings about you and our relationship. When would you be willing to have this conversation?”
, This is a sensitive conversation you’ll be having, so you’ll want to choose somewhere that you and your friend will have some privacy. If you are already friends, you might be comfortable having this conversation in one of your homes.
Don’t pick a romantic spot in the hopes that it will sway your friend’s response. If the conversation doesn’t go the way you want it to, being in a romantic restaurant can make things awkward.
You could also choose a quiet corner of a coffee shop or a nice spot in a public park. Depending on how the conversation goes, it might be best to have this conversation somewhere that you can both easily leave.
, When talking to your friend about your feelings, be honest and up front about how you feel and what you want for your relationship.
You can say something like “I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I’ve been feeling like maybe there’s something more between us. I am starting to care about you as more than a friend and I was wondering if you’ve felt that way, too.”
Emphasize that you don’t want to jeopardize your friendship but that your feelings are such that you felt the need to talk to them., When you’re admitting feelings to someone else – especially someone that you’ve only had a platonic relationship with – it’s easy to feel very vulnerable and as if you deserve a certain response. Keep in mind that your friend might not respond the way you want them to, and that you have to respect them enough to accept their response, whatever it is.
If their response is that they don’t return your feelings you can say something like “I hear what you’re saying and I respect your response. Let’s talk about where we want our relationship to go from here.” This way your friend knows that you’re not going to continue to pursue them romantically but that you want to maintain your friendship.
If your friend returns your feelings and is also willing to pursue a romantic relationship you can say something like “I’m really glad you feel the same! Where do we go from here?” This sets up an opportunity for you both to discuss how quickly – or slowly – you want to take your new relationship.
If your friend asks for time to think about it, say something like “I understand that this is a lot to think about and I am totally willing to give you some space to consider everything.” Then ask if you can make a plan to meet in a week (or longer, or shorter – you can read how your friend is feeling better than anyone) to discuss things again.