Talk ahead of time.,
Move his hand away.,
Tell him to stop.,
Explain your reasons.,
Clarify ways that you are comfortable being touched.
It can be uncomfortable to bring up a conversation about what forms of intimacy you are comfortable with, but it is much better to do this early rather than while you are kissing. If you know that you aren’t ready for certain forms of intimacy, find a time to bring it up so that there aren’t any surprises.
Sometime while you’re hanging out, if there isn’t much to do, simply start a conversation by saying, “Hey, could we talk about something?” You could say something like, “I’ve been having a lot of fun with you, but before things move forward in our relationship, I wanted to talk about our physical relationship. There are certain things that I am ready for and certain things that I am uncomfortable with. Do you mind if we talk about it?”It’s ok if you feel a bit awkward bringing this up. It can be difficult to discuss these matters. You could even acknowledge that you feel a little awkward by saying something like, “I’m not really sure how to bring this up, but I wanted to talk to you about our physical relationship.” Or you could say something like, “There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. It’s a little awkward, but I was hoping we could discuss it anyway.” You could then start the conversation by saying, “There are certain forms of touch that I enjoy, but other kinds make me uncomfortable.”
Decide ahead of time what is ok with you. Maybe you are ok with hand holding and cuddling, but aren’t ready for him to touch your breasts. Decide this before talking to him to make sure that you aren’t pushed out of your comfort zone by what he is ready for.
, If your boyfriend is touching you in a way you don’t like, you can start by simply moving his hand away. Maybe he just wanted to try something or got a little carried away. By moving his hand, you are giving him a clear signal that you aren’t comfortable. You can simply move his hand from the area that you don’t like him touching and put it somewhere that you are comfortable with. For example, if he is touching your butt and you don’t like this, move his hand to your hip if you are more comfortable with that, or simply hold his hand in yours. He should get the hint and know to slow down.When moving his hand away you can make eye contact with him, shake your head, and say, “Not yet.” This will clearly communicate that you aren’t ready to be touched like that.
You should not have to do this more than once. If he keeps trying, you need to tell him to stop.
Instead of moving his hand away, you could move yourself away by scooting over. If you’re sitting on the couch together and he’s touching you in an uncomfortable way, just scoot further away from him. He should get the message that you didn’t like being touched.
, If moving his hand isn’t enough and he keeps trying, it’s time to tell him to stop. Anytime a boy touches you in a way that you are not comfortable with, tell him to stop right away. It can be as simple as saying something like, “Hey, not now” or “I’m not ready for that.” You could even just say, “Please don’t do that. You’re making me uncomfortable.” Your boyfriend needs to respect you and move at a pace that you are comfortable with. If he cares about you, he will stop right away and wait until you are both ready.Make sure you stay firm when doing this, or else he might think that you were just flirting or being cute. Make it clear that you aren’t playing “hard to get,” but you’re genuinely uncomfortable. You can even tell him, “I don’t like that.”
, You can explain to your boyfriend what you are feeling so that he understands. You could say, “I really like you, but I feel uncomfortable when you touch me because I’m not ready for that yet.” Maybe you would like him to touch you someday, but it’s moving too fast. You could say something like, “I need more time to be comfortable with that. Let’s slow down.” When he hears that you are genuinely uncomfortable, he should immediately stop pushing it and slow down.Explain to him where you’re at so that he knows why he is making you uncomfortable. You could say something like, “This is my first time being in a relationship, so I’m not comfortable being touched yet.”
Don’t be afraid to express how you feel. Just because you are uncomfortable being touched, doesn’t mean you don’t care about him. It just means you aren’t ready for that, and that is perfectly acceptable. You can say something like, “I care about you a lot, but I’m not comfortable being touched like that yet.”
, If you don’t like one way that he touches you, but like other forms of touching, clarify that and let him know what you do enjoy. You could say something like, “I enjoy holding hands and I like it when you put your arm around my shoulder because I feel close to you.” It is important to communicate not only what you don’t like, but also what you do like. This will show him what he can do to make you comfortable while building your relationship.