How to Talk to a Crush You Haven’t Spoken to in a Long Time (for Guys)

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Think about where you will see her.,
Go up and say hi, and tell her you want to talk.,
Start a conversation with her.,
Tell her you are happy to see her.,
Ask her genuinely how she has been.,
Ask her follow up questions.,
Tell her interesting things that have been going on with you.,
Ask her if you can hang out again.,
Pay attention to her response.,
Follow up with a text or message.

Maybe you are not trying to go out of your way to see your crush, but you share a friend group and want to be friendly and cool with her- you can use these steps to help create a good connection with her. Or if you want to get into contact with your old crush and you can’t or don’t want to contact her directly, hang out with the mutual friends you have, and go to events she will probably be at.

You can call your friends and ask them about the events and parties that are coming up and then attend those events.
Or if you know she goes to certain church activities, for example, you can start attending those activities again.
Don’t use your friends to get to your crush. For example, when you hang out with your friends, be there to have a good time with them first, and consider seeing her second. That way if it doesn’t work out, you will still have a good time, and you won’t mistreat your friends.

, When you first see each other, make sure you acknowledge her. If you see her across the room, give her a smile, and a friendly wave or greeting. If it doesn’t seem like a good time to talk, tell her “It is great to see you! I want to talk to you. Can you give me a minute?” You can finish doing what you are doing, and let her finish doing what she is doing, too.

Giving yourself a minute will help you compose yourself and can add a good element of anticipation for your conversation.
Think about an interesting topic of conversation or something that you can ask her about as an ice breaker before you walk up and talk to her. For example, you can make an observation about the party you are at by saying something like, “I like that they really made sure that all of our chip needs are met at this party.” Then gesture to a table covered in 10 different types of chips.

, Once she is free to talk, start a conversation. If you are somewhere where it is difficult to talk, ask her, “Do you want to find a better place to talk?” Look for somewhere quiet and relaxed where you sit down and catch up uninterrupted.

, If you two have any awkward history together, break through that barrier by expressing your positive feelings at seeing her again. Once you two are settled, show her that you are happy to see her again by smiling, making eye contact, and simply saying “I am happy to see you.” Being positive and direct will make you seem confident and can help overcome any weirdness either of you might feel at the start of the conversation.

, Use your tone of voice and hand gestures to show her that you are interested in hearing about her. This will make you seem confident and happy to talk to her again. It can be a little less intimidating if you ask her how she is doing now because having to recount everything that has happened since the last time you saw each other might require a lot of explanation.

Say something like, “I’d love to her how you are doing now.”
Or you can start by saying what you remember of what she was doing last. For example, you can say “If I remember right, the last time we talked you were…”
Avoid talking about anything awkward or difficult things from the past. If the conversation progresses that way naturally, you can talk about deeper topics, but at the beginning of the conversation you want to keep it light and positive.

, When she tells you how her life has been, listen attentively by making eye contact, nodding along with what she says, restating her main ideas and asking her relevant questions. For example, if she says she has been having a hard week, ask her what has been going on that has made her week hard.

, Think of positive, funny or lighter stories that will give her an idea of what you have been up to lately. Consider talking about topics that you know she is interested in.

For example, if she loves marine biology, you can say “I went on a trip with my school recently to Catalina Island, and we had a blast snorkeling.”
Mirror or match her energy level and body language in conversation. For example, if she is talking energetically and using lots of body language, use lots of body language in response and laugh often. Or if she seems a little more reserved, you can talk quieter and give her more physical distance. Don’t copy her gestures; however, do go for a similar level of energy.

, After you feel like you have had a chance to catch up and made a good connection in your conversation, tell her you really liked talking and ask her about getting together again. After you have finished laughing about something, for example, you can say “I really liked talking with you again. We should get together again and continue catching up.”

, If she seems interested in going out with you, make sure you have her correct contact information, and arrange to get together to do something in the near future. If she is ambiguous about whether she can hang out again, don’t push it. It is better to let her tell you when she is free. Sometimes people may be nervous in the moment and may come off uninterested, and at other times, they are sending you a message that they are not interested. Send her a follow up message or text to find out which is the case.

For example, if she says something like “I don’t know, I’m going to be busy for a while.” You can say, “No problem, it was really good catching up with you. I’m glad we got the chance.”

, If you got her information and you are going to get together soon, you should send a follow up text sometime in the next couple of days that says something like “It was really good catching up- I am excited to hang out again.” If she seemed like maybe she wanted to hang out again, then follow up with a simple message or text that says “It was really awesome catching up with you- let me know if you want to get together sometime.” This kind of text is low pressure while also getting across that you are interested in hanging out more.

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