Start on the internet.,
Move it to real life.,
Get to know them better and remember things about them.,
Open up a bit at a time to this person.,
Integrate your friend groups and get to know his or her friends.,
Hang out in group settings at first.,
Don’t get lost in the group; hang out one-on-one occasionally.,
Keep it simple.,
Don’t back down!,
Allow them to think about it.,
Prepare yourself for either response.
If you are serious about wanting to get to know this person, social media can help you out a bit. It’s okay to check them out online– but choose one social media platform to reach out to them on. Add the person you like on Facebook or Snapchat or follow them on Instagram!
Once they have added you back or accepted your request, say hi! Commenting is important because they probably get friend or follow requests from many people, and you’ll be able to distinguish yourself from them this way. Bring attention to yourself in a low-key way by commenting on a (recent) picture something like, “I like this” or “This looks cool!” A compliment is usually good, but don’t think too hard. If it’s Snap Chat, send them a picture & say “hi” or ask them what’s up! People appreciate other people who are interested in their lives, so make sure you genuinely care about this person’s life.
, If you see the person you like every day or at least once a week, try to nod at them in the hallways or say “Good morning” at work, or wherever you see them. Start with these and slowly motivate yourself to talk to them more and more.
For example, if you are in a certain class together, ask them what the homework is. If it’s Monday, ask them how their weekend was. Make sure you say it loud enough for them to hear and start by saying their name. This person might not recognize your voice or might think you’re talking to someone else, so say their name before you start your conversation. Start by asking one question, then try asking two next time, then three, etc. Let the conversation flow naturally, and if it stops, be the one to end it. You could say, “Okay, thanks! I’ll see you around” or “It was nice talking to you” or whatever you see fit for your situation.
If you’re still really scared to talk to them at this point, don’t freak out! Take your time and slowly, at your own pace, become more comfortable talking to them. Smiling helps, too.
, If you talk to them often online and have the occasional real life chat, chances are you will get to know them a lot better. If they tell you the date of their birthday, send them a little happy birthday message or even tell them in real life! If there is a gift you want to give them but you’re too shy to do it face to face, leave it on their desk or in their locker–or wherever else they’ll find it–in a secret admirer way.
Also, if they have an interest, try to remember and show your support for it. For example, if they have a sport they like or a team they follow, check the team’s game schedule and ask the person what they thought of their team’s last game. Knowing that someone else pays attention to their likes and dislikes really strengthens the bond between people naturally. If there is an artist they like, you can ask them what their favorite songs are! This person will appreciate how much you care about them as a person.
, The goal for this phase is to become more comfortable around this person you so greatly admire. Part of that requires you to stretch a bit and tell them a bit about yourself casually in conversation. You don’t have to tell them your deepest, darkest secrets, but answer questions honestly. If they like a certain type of music that you aren’t familiar with, be honest and let them know you haven’t heard of that band or artist. If there is a movie you absolutely find hilarious, tell them! Little spontaneous conversations about likes and dislikes is a really good way to know this person better and let them know who you are! Yay, you’re slowly becoming more comfortable with this person!
, As you become more comfortable with this person, your friends will want to know them, too! Introduce them or hang out with mutual friends. This doesn’t necessarily mean your squads have to become a mass group of BFFs (or little group of BFFs), but at least get to know his or her friends as individuals. This doesn’t mean that you will–or should–know every last person that has ever talked to your crush, rather find people they are friends with that you can also relate to (click to read this really cool article on how to Make Friends when You Are Not Social). If there isn’t anyone they are friends with who you connect with, that is okay, too.
Avoid “using” people to talk to this person or only interact with people to impress the person you like! Remember, you are friends with the person you like on your own terms. Don’t befriend their squad just so you can get to them, rather befriend them because you actually want to be friends with them. People are individuals and all deserve legitimate friends, remember. Cut out the middleman!
, If you want to watch a movie that you know the person you like wants to watch, feel free to grab a friend or two and invite them to do the same. The bigger the group the more comfortable you may be, but try to make it still intimate. Inviting mutual friends who might be interested in the group activity is also key. Look at you, hanging out with your crush!
, You now have several mutual friends and have hung out with the person of your interest more than twice outside a professional or school setting. Now you are less shy around them and can be yourself. Time to challenge yourself again: hang out one-on-one once in a while. Find some things that the two of you have in common and do those things together. Talk to them even when the group isn’t together or even when their/your other friends aren’t around. This will let them know subconsciously that you value them as an individual. This can also make them think, “Do I like them? Do they like me? Or do I just like hanging out with them?” Having some insider jokes is a definite plus. Don’t worry, this will not make anything too obvious; this will just get you both thinking about each other separated from the group. Once you get a feeling of where they are at and if they like you back, then proceed to the third and last phase of this plan.
Be careful to avoid ditching your old friends or making the person you like ditch theirs. Let friends know ahead of time when you are busy and make sure you still spend time with your pals whenever you can.
If they are romantically involved with someone else, don’t hang out one-on-one at all outside a professional setting (i.e. work, school, etc.), especially if you are the one initiating it. This might come across very wrong and actually end up being detrimental to your friendship. Remember, if someone is in a relationship, respect that. As soon as they are back on the market, you have full dibs and can hang out together without causing any trouble.
, How awesome is it that you’re now friends with the person you used to look at from a distance? Now it’s time to step out of your comfort zone one more time and tell him/her how you feel.
You don’t have to do this face to face. Give them a secret admirer-styled letter with a hint at the end that will undoubtedly point to you. You could even be forward and sign it! If you’re not going to do it face to face (or during Skype, Face Time, or any other video chat), don’t text them your confession or tell them via social media. This may come across either as a joke to them or make you seem impersonal. It doesn’t have to be a long, eloquent letter, either. Use your own words and say what you think they should know!
If you choose to tell them in real life, keep it casual! You don’t need to disclose your late night internet stalking or how you think of them every night before you sleep so you can dream about them. You should, however, tell them that you think they’re cool and ask if they would want to try a romantic relationship. Use your own words, of course, so that they know you’re being genuine. Each friendship/relationship is different and there is no one way to tell someone you like them, but if you want to stay friends, either way, casual is the way to go.
Although, if you are the type of person who is extravagant or know that this person will appreciate a big and obvious gesture, feel free not to be casual at all! Get creative and do you. No matter if you’re simple or elaborate in your confession, be true to who you are and be creative! If this person is a good person, they will appreciate the time and effort you put into letting them know, whether they feel the same way or not.
, If you are serious about wanting this person to like you back or at least think of you romantically, sooner or later you will need to let them know. Of course, make sure you feel ready and are at a place where you can speak comfortably with this person. Just let your potential future bae know you are interested in getting to know them romantically. This confession can be as simple or elaborate as you feel. Don’t over-think this or be afraid; you did not come this far to give up now! Be honest but don’t feel as if you have to spill it all. Remember that they are your friend and let some of that stress roll off your back.
, Don’t put any pressure on them for an immediate response. Leave it somewhat open-ended so that they also have time to get themselves together. Your friend will be glad you didn’t ambush them or make them feel like they had to say yes or no.
, If they say:
Yes, the feelings are mutual. You overcame your shyness and told the object of your desire how you felt. You should be proud of you for getting through that! Now is your chance to prove to them that you are the perfect boy/girlfriend for them, which will be easy since you were friends first.
No, they would rather stay friends or don’t feel the same way, have no fear. You can try again later or simply move on. Someone else will come along, believe it or not, and you will find love again! Hey, at least you can cross that off your bucket list. You should still be very proud of yourself for breaking out of your shell. Make sure you don’t let this stop you from trying again.
If they ask you out before you do or tell you they like you first, don’t hold back! Let them know that you have liked them for a while, too! This doesn’t mean everything will be perfect and easy from now on, but the hardest part is over. Enjoy your relationship and remember to stay friends with them even in your newfound love.