Understand that having a crush creates a whirlwind of feelings.,
Be aware of how the surreal feelings surrounding having a crush on someone can bring about your discomfort.,
Get to know the person first.,
Spend time together.,
Find out what talents and skills your crush has and what flaws and vices he or she has.,
Avoid shadowing or crowding your crush.,
Treat all of the “getting to know you” stage as a slow but even process.,
Realize that asking someone out takes bravery.,
Practice asking before you actually do it.,
Be respectful of your crush’s space and pace.,
Realize that being rejected is not the end of the world.
These can cause you to feel a little giddy, lightheaded and possibly invincible. Or, you may have rose-colored glasses about the whole situation, thinking that this person is perfect and that nothing else matters. As such, your giddier feelings are liable to contain elements of fantasy and can be a source of causing you to feel uncomfortable around your crush because you only see their virtues and not their whole self.;
, Use this knowledge to keep your head screwed on as you investigate the potential of this relationship longer term. Acknowledge that while your feelings are normal for someone falling for another person, they are somewhat inflated and liable to lead you astray. Try your best to keep them under control by reminding yourself that slow and steady wins the race and that it’s important to think through your feelings before acting on them. Most of all, it’s vital to get to know your crush better, warts and all.
, Crushing on someone you know little about can lead to unreasonable expectations, and can cause you to fantasize that this person is someone they’re actually not. By getting to know him or her, you can be assured that this person is someone you’d like to date or maybe you’ll discover a good friend is the better option.
, Spending time together without creating expectations can ease your discomfort. Learn what this person cares about, likes to do and considers of interest. Do these things match your own interests? While you don’t need to have the exact same interests in everything, having a few common interests will be essential to being able to share experiences, stories and news with each other, and it’ll enable both of you to have things to do together.
Avoid pretending that you enjoy doing or participating in something that you don’t, just to please your crush. This can turn out to be a deal breaker later on when your crush discovers how you truly feel. It is far better to be honest. You can even say that you don’t much like the activity or interest but you’re willing to give it a go but won’t keep it up if it still doesn’t excite you. At least that’s honest and your crush knows where they stand with you.
, Remember, each person is the whole package––wonderful things, iffy things and vices––just like you. There is a Spanish saying––if you don’t love a person’s flaws, then it’s not love at all. Think of that when you’re trying to work out whether this person is right for you. This may seem hard to consider while you’ve got rose-colored glasses about this person but knowing, understanding and accepting a person’s flaws early on can be the pathway to a long-term and harmonious relationship. It can also help to ease your discomfort, knowing that your crush isn’t all perfection.
, In the days when you’re trying to get to know this person, easy does it. If they feel that you’re always hanging around, always asking questions and always sticking your nose into their business, they may begin to feel crowded and they may feel uncomfortable themselves. It is best to pace out your hanging around together, remembering that it’s always better to leave a person wanting more of you than feeling they’d rather see less.
Don’t start hanging around your crush more than your real and close friends. Doing so will make it obvious you like the person more than as a friend and your own friends will feel peeved at being sidelined.
, Avoid speeding things up or trying to show your deeper interest at this stage. As soon as you try to do either of those things, it’s likely that you’ll begin to feel uncomfortable and start to do things that can scare off your potential date or can cause you to look strange. Keep reminding yourself that at this stage, all you’re doing is getting to know this person better and that there is nothing to be uncomfortable about.
Avoid listening to what others have to say. They might give indications that your crush does, does not, might or might not like you. Frankly, it’s none of their business and they’re not the two of you. Just smile and nod politely whenever others try to give you advice. You can take it or leave it but you don’t need to act on it or agree with it. It’s eventually up to you to decide whether or not you’ll ask this person out.
, Yet, it’s done every day by thousands of people everywhere, so take heart from this and prepare yourself for the big question. Expect to feel the jitters, to be nervous and to feel some discomfort. The question asking itself is a scary process. However, your crush is a not a scary person––you’ve taken the time to get to know him or her better, and you’re friends. From here, things are going to be sorted out between you, so have faith that you’re doing the right thing.
, Rehearsal is the great way to quell discomfort. At least that way, you’ll have some lines already worked out and it’ll feel easy than stumbling into asking out your crush. Write down your lines, then practice them beforehand. It might help to say them in front of the mirror, or it might not––try anyway, to see how you feel. While ultimately you must decide what lines to deliver to your crush, some suggestions include:
“Hey R, I was wondering how you feel about going to the X competition together this weekend. I know you love X and I do too, and I thought it’d be a great way to spend a first date together.”
“B, I was hoping you’d be interested in coming to X event with me tomorrow, as a date. I’m happy to drive us.”
A little more intimate: “Hey S, we’ve been spending a lot of time together lately and I’ve grown close to you. I would love to go on a date with you soon. How do you feel about that?”
, Your crush may not be ready to answer you immediately, or your crush may answer like lightning. Either way, be ready for the answer!
If it’s yes, you’re off to a new start together. Say something like “That’s great”, or “Cool! I’ll start organizing it now.”
If it’s no, or I need more time, be gracious. Say that you understand and that you just hoped there might be a chance but you accept their decision.
, It signals that this person doesn’t feel compatibility with you, and that’s at least honest and fair. It also shows that you have the courage to put yourself out there and ask the questions that need asking. Sometimes the answers won’t be to your liking but other times they will be. At least you’ve given it your best shot. Now you can think about what didn’t work and try differently next time, with a new crush.