How to Dump a Boy



Figure out what you’re going to say.,
Create some distance.,
Do it in person if you really care.,
Pick the right moment.,
Pick the right place.,
Tell him you want to break up.,
Explain your reasoning as much as you want.,
Hear him out.,
Don’t be too mean to him.,
Wrap it up as soon as you can.,
Be firm.,
Try to end on a good note.,
Stay away from him for a while.,
Get some “me” time.,
Start putting yourself out there when you’re ready.,
Try to be friends with the boy if you want to.

You don’t have to spend hours crafting your break-up speech, but if you care about the boy at all, you should put a little thought into what you’re going to say before you say it. Figure out how you’re going to give the boy the bad news, how you’ll prepare him for it, and what reasons you’ll give for the break-up. Remember that you don’t have to tell him everything if you don’t want to. If you’re breaking up with him because you just don’t like him anymore, find the nicest way to say that you just don’t think things are working out.

If the boy has hurt you or done something really terrible, then you don’t have to feel bad about being honest with him. If the break up is pretty much his fault, then you might as well let him know.;
, Letting the boy see that things aren’t going so well before you actually break up with him can help ease the pain. Don’t kiss him, hug him, and act like everything is perfectly fine or he will be really confused — and even more hurt — when you do finally break up with him. If you’ve decided that the best time to break up with the boy is in a few days, then don’t go on any romantic dates or show him extra affection before then. Just act a little more distant than usual so he may have a sense that something is up.

This doesn’t mean you should prolong the pain for weeks. But if you know you’re going to make a move in a few days, slowly remove yourself from the relationship in the interim.

, Dumping someone over email or text is really not the way to go unless you don’t care about the person at all. If you’ve only dated for a few weeks and you’ve decided that the guy is a real jerk, then fine, send him a text saying, “I don’t think this is working out. I’m sorry,” and move on with your life. But if the person means something to you, then make an effort to meet him in person and to give him the news face-to-face. This will let him ask you questions and get more closer than finding out that he’s dumped from a phone or computer screen; if you think he deserves this level of respect, then give it to him.

If the boy has a violent temper or you’re afraid that he might hurt you after you break up with him, then this will be another situation where it’s better to break up in person.
If you and the boy are doing the long distance thing and you know you won’t see each other for a month or two, you may want to break up with him over the phone — it’s better to do it as quickly as you can than to prolong the pain until you see each other.

, You don’t have to wait for weeks for the perfect moment to present itself for you to dump the boy. But you should try to pick a time when both of you can be alone, relatively free of stress, and in a neutral place where you can have a meaningful conversation. Don’t dump the boy an hour before his math final or his baseball game, or you’ll be causing him extra stress that he won’t be able to deal with right away. Try to pick a time when you know he’ll have nothing to do afterwards and when you have enough time to really talk to him.

, Ask the boy to meet you so you can break up with him. Try not to make it sound too obvious or he’ll show up filled with dread. Pick a place that doesn’t mean something special to you guys — avoid the park where you always hang out or the place where you went on your first date. Do it outside a library or somewhere quiet after school if you have to. If you pick a place that has special meaning for you both, then that’ll make the process more difficult. Though dumping the boy won’t be easy no matter where you go, the more you plan ahead, the more likely you’ll be to minimize your pain.

, You can be nice first and make a little bit of small talk, but there’s no point in dragging it on. As soon as you’re ready, take a deep breath, and tell him that it’s just not working anymore. Say that you’re sorry (if you are) and tell him that you want to break up. If he’s been nice to you then you can say something about how he was an amazing boyfriend and that you had a great time with him, but there’s no point in feeding him lies if you were miserable and just wanted to get out.

Make eye contact and speak slowly. Let him see that this is hurting you too, even if you’re the one doing the dumping.

, You don’t have to give him a blow by blow of exactly why you’re dumping him — in fact, that will only cause him more pain and make him feel even worse about himself. If you’ve met or fallen for someone else, maybe you don’t want to tell him that and hurt him any more (as long as you don’t think he will find out anyway). If you just aren’t into him anymore, you can find another way to get around that, like saying that you can’t make time for him, or that you think you’ve become different people, but he may be able to see right through that.

If he hurt you, then you won’t need to give him an explanation of why you’re ending it. He’ll know what he did.

, If you still respect him, then you can give him the courtesy of letting him talk to you and ask you some questions. If he’s just repeating the same thing over and over, then it won’t get you anywhere, but if he genuinely wants to know more about why you’ve chosen to dump him, you can let him ask some questions as long as you don’t think this will hurt him more.

He may ask if he could have done anything differently; even if he could have, there’s no point in telling him so, because you’ve already made your decision.
Answer any questions you feel comfortable answering, but if it’s all starting to feel a bit repetitive, then you can wrap things up.

, There’s no point in being mean to the boy — even if he has really hurt you. You want to end the relationship with your head high, and not leave him with extra bitter feelings toward you. Your relationship, however long or short it was, must have had some high points, and you want him to remember you fondly, don’t you? There’s no point in undermining all of the great and not-so-great experiences you had together just by being mean at the end.

If you feel the urge to say something really spiteful, hold your tongue. Remember that you’re the one doing the hurting, and it’s likely that the boy is feeling a lot of pain.

, Keep the conversation as short and sweet as possible. There’s no point in dragging it on or you’re both more likely to say hurtful things, and to feel more pain. Also, the longer you stay with the boy, the more likely you’ll be to doubt your decision and to feel some regret. But don’t let your feelings of nostalgia or disappointment confuse you into thinking you have done the wrong thing.

Tell the boy you have to go once you’re done, and make an excuse for why if you have to. If he thinks you have nowhere to go, then he may want to keep you around for longer.

, Remember that this is a break-up, not a negotiation. Don’t let the boy beg you to stay with him or promise that he’ll change if you decide not to dump him after all. Your decision is final, and there’s little chance that the relationship will be any different if you go back to round two. The boy may tell you how much he likes or loves you, flatter you, or even beg you and cry — but you can’t let yourself back down under any circumstances. Stay strong and walk away, no matter what the boy is doing.

Just keep saying, “I’m sorry, but I’ve already made my decision.” Let him know that you weren’t asking for his opinion on this one.

, Though it’s unlikely that you’ll walk away from the break up as best friends, try to leave the boy with a fond memory. Don’t run away after name calling or yelling at him, and don’t storm away, either. He may want to do that, but you have to take the high road and stay positive, be as friendly as you can, and tell him that you’re really sorry about the way things ended. He may fling insults at you, but you can’t stoop to that level.

Give him a hug if he’s open to it. But be warned that he may be so hurt that he won’t want to touch you.

, Let’s face it — it can be nearly impossible to be friends with your ex, and it’s definitely impossible to be friends with your ex right after a break-up. So give him some time to cool off, let your own emotions settle, and stop being in touch with him for as long as it takes to heal. Don’t start having awkward lunch dates a month after the break up because you think that’s the “mature” thing to do; if you still have residual feelings, you’re only making it harder for both of you to move on.

There’s no magic formula for how long it will take for both of you to let go of your romantic feelings. Each relationship starts and ends at its own pace, so don’t feel bad if you still feel confused about the whole thing after a few months.

, Once you dump the boy, you should enjoy spending some time with your favorite person — yourself. This isn’t the time to go crazy, hook up with random people, and socialize with your girlfriends non-stop. Though these things can help you forget the break-up, you’ll be able to deal with it more thoroughly if you give yourself some time to stay in, write in your journal, take walks, read a good book, or do whatever you have to do to feel centered and like yourself again.

Take the time to do the things you didn’t have much time to do because you were always with the boy. This will make you appreciate being by yourself even more.

, Once enough time has passed and you feel whole again, you can slowly start to date other boys. Take a risk and let a friend set you up on a date, or accept the coffee date the cute boy in your history class has proposed. You probably won’t fall in love with the first — or the third, or the seventh — person you meet, but that’s not important. The important thing is that you open up your heart again and get ready for love once more.

Don’t rush in to another relationship just to stop thinking about the boy you dumped. Rebound relationships are almost always doomed to fail.

, If enough time has passed and you can really think of the boy without any lingering romantic feelings — and if he can think of you the same way — then you may try to be friends after all. Remember that in many cases, this simply won’t be possible, so don’t be frustrated if you can’t seem to hang out with your ex without feeling frustrated or confused. But if you really do like each other and want to hang out as friends, then take it slow and start hanging out in fun, casual settings and see if you can rebuild your friendship.

The tricky part here is making sure that you both are ready to just be friends. Since you’re the one who ended the relationship, it may take a little longer for the boy to be ready to be your friend.

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