How to Cope with Perfectionist Parents

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Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment.,
Keep an eye on your self-talk.,
Remember that mistakes are necessary.,
Focus on improvement, not perfection.,
Be mindful about how you raise your own kids.

Don’t repress or deny your feelings, especially negative ones like anger and sadness. Instead, find healthy ways to express yourself and release your emotions. Try meditating, writing in a journal, or venting to a friend.Many perfectionist parents discourage their kids from expressing their feelings. This habit can carry over into adulthood and cause emotional problems later in life.

, If your parents often speak critically to you, you might be in the habit of talking to yourself the same way. Notice whether your inner dialogue is positive or negative. If your inner voice is often critical or disparaging, practice talking to yourself more kindly.For instance, instead of telling yourself, “I can’t learn math,” say something like, “I’m going to have to work extra hard to learn this, but I’ve learned hard things before.”

, Don’t let fear of making mistakes hold you back from trying new things. It’s impossible to learn and improve yourself without having a few stumbles along the way.Making mistakes is normal, and everyone does it. Reasonable people probably won’t hold your mistakes against you.
Instead of trying to avoid mistakes, learn how to recover from them gracefully. If you accidentally hurt someone else, apologize and do your best to make it right. If you embarrass yourself, laugh it off and move on.

, Try to make every day a little better than yesterday was. When you make a mistake, focus on learning from it, so you’ll be less likely to repeat it.To avoid striving for the impossible goal of perfection, make a list of concrete actions you can take to improve yourself every day.
For instance, if you want to develop better money habits, you could create a budget, start cooking more meals at home, and visit the library instead of the bookstore.

, Bad habits like perfectionism can easily get passed down through the generations. If you have children of your own, encourage them to do their best, but be careful not to put too much pressure on them.For instance, instead of saying to your child “I’m really disappointed you didn’t earn straight A’s this semester,” you might say something with less pressure like “I’m satisfied with your grades as long as you can honestly say you gave it your very best.”

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